anxious
[I’m not looking for reassurance. In fact that’s the last thing I’m looking for.]
People ask if I’m excited to leave for Taiwan. I say I’m anxious. They say “oh, you’ll be fine.” Or “you’ll have a great time!”
They, who haven’t lived abroad or lived abroad with a group of Americans or in an English speaking country. And who aren’t shy.
I’ve done this before. I’ve done this before being much much better prepared culturally and language-wise. I lived in Germany for this amount of time. I learned a lot, saw a lot and in many ways had a great time and I have years of stories now.
But, it was incredibly hard. I didn’t make any friends and though I was nearly fluent in German, the language barrier was still difficult. At times it was intensely lonely. Like burst into tears randomly while walking down the street lonely.
Yes, it’ll be a good experience. Yes, I’ll see cool things and have interesting experiences. But I’ve very realistic in my anxiety.